Just another girl trying to find her place . . . all over the world.

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Road Trip: James Dean’s Hometown

So there’s is no explaining why I like James Dean. There’s something about him that from the first time I saw him I couldn’t take my eyes off him. Then I found out he was dead and I felt my heart was broken. I’m not going to lie, I cried when I found out. Even before I knew who he was I felt kind of tied to him. Since grade 4 my motto has been “Dream like you’ll live forever, Live like you’ll die today“. It was funny to find out 8 years later that he was the one who said that.
A few years ago, I was going through a really difficult time with my family splitting up and I felt no one understood me or what I was going through. And there was something about him that I felt did understand just through his movies. I haven’t watched the full movie of Giant because I just can’t. I can’t say it’s all over.
Before this trip I never saw James Dean out of my room or house. None of my friends were really fans or knew who he was. Walking into the James Dean Gallery I was overwhelmed by how much other people loved him. It wasn’t just me and people felt the same as me. They adored him but couldn’t understand why. He didn’t have a lot of interviews and you had to go off what other people said about him. And they definitely didn’t portray him as some kind of God. They talked of him as being kind, gentle, respectful, shy, can talk you ear off, and loved cars and bull fighting. But there were others who described him as sick and needing help because of his shyness and not being able to talk or approach people. His close friend described him as the loneliest person in the world. Maybe that’s why I can relate to him during difficult times in my life, because I feel the exact same way most of the time.
His grave was smaller than I expected and a lot smaller than any of the tombstones there. My father and I walked around for a good 20 minutes before we found him. He’s buried beside his aunt and uncle. His grave is very small with lipstick marks on it. It’s a tradition to kiss the stone but I couldn’t because my father was there and that made me uncomfortable. Seeing him in his grave made everything very real. This man I looked up to was dead and there I was just standing there, not knowing what to do. I wanted to cry, but again, my dad was there. He was a great actor and a great man.
I thought I would go to his hometown and pay my respects to a man who helped me in ways you can’t imagine and I will never be able to explain.










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CN Tower

So it took me 19 years but I finally went up to the CN Tower!!! (I get to cross yet another item off my bucket list). For the past month I’ve had my two friends I made at camp stay with me, one from Germany and one from Mexico. Something neither of them have done is go to the CN Tower so we decided to do it. Thanks to CouchSurfing we found a coupon that allows us to go up for $10 past 8pm.
I did this mostly to get over my fear of heights and at first I was terrified, especially when we were going up the elevator and the ground kept getting further and further away, and we went higher than the tallest building. But when I was up there you realize it’s not that scary. There’s nothing to be scared of at that height. You are secure and what’s the worst thing that could happen? Everything I thought of wasn’t realistic and realizing that helped me calm down. Then I had to get over my ultimate fear…the glass floor.
At first glance I felt like I was falling. It’s a weird feeling being up that high and being able to see the ground with nothing blocking your view. And to be honest I had to hold someones hand the first two times I walked over the glass. But the third time I was able to do it by myself and the feeling of accomplishing that was far greater than my fear of heights. I’m excited to say I may be over my fear of heights.


I’ve Always Relied on the Kindness of Strangers

As crazy as it sounds, I have. I’m one of those people that believe that people are genuinely good, yes there are bad actions but no bad people.

My friend and I took a spontaneous road trip to Muskoka on Sunday for Canada’s day. We contacted so many people on CouchSurfing but no one was available on such short notice. So we decided to find 24 hour parking and just sleep in the car. We went to a Tiki Bar where we drank and danced the night away til a guy wanted to dance with my friend. When he found out we were sleeping in the car he would not have it, we were sleeping in his basement where he had a spare bed. Sure he may have wanted to sleep with one of us but in the end he showed us to the bed and left. We even got a tour of the city afterwards.

I’m not saying to stay with whoever you meet but be open to people and to new experiences. When you walk down the street smile at a stranger. When you’re at a grocery store say thank you to the person helping you.

The world is a big and beautiful place and too often we forget this. So next time you’re on your way to work or school or wherever, stop and look around for a second. Think about how lucky we are to be alive and how the Earth is perfectly positioned so that we can live.

I believe one of the most important things in life is not to be afraid. It’s good to be fearless and to see how far you can go.

I’ll let you in on my biggest fear. My biggest fear is that I will let fear stop me from doing things I love. That the fear of heights will stop me from seeing some wonders of the worlds. That the fear of being raped will keep me locked in the rest of my life. That the fear of being kidnapped will stop me from talking to strangers and making new friends.

It’s just that we have all these things that can help us see the world and have all these incredible experiences but the fear the media makes us feel prevents us from doing this.

Just get out there and stop being so scared of what you don’t know.

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Overcoming My Fear of Planes

I was, for the longest time, terrified of planes. Just looking at them would make my anxiety skyrocket and I would sweat like there is no tomorrow. It’s been like this ever since I was a kid too. Going on any plane I would grip the seat handles until the plane had been up in the air for at least 20 minutes. But why was I scared? What about planes was leaving me paralyzed?

I make a decision the summer of 2011 that I didn’t wanna be scared anymore. There is nothing worse in life than allowing your fear to take over your life, and that’s what my fear of planes was doing. So I did some searching in my childhood to see if any traumatic events occurred to leave me scared of planes . . . and there wasn’t.

Sure there was the time we went to Bahamas and we bounced hard off the ground when landing but that wouldn’t do it, I was still gripping the seat when we were flying. It wasn’t my trip to Los Angeles because I was terrified and that was only two years ago.

I’m not scared of being in the air nor am I scared of crashing. It’s a fear I’ve never been able to understand. So I did some more research about planes and stumbled onto a website that I believe helped me find the courage to not be afraid any more.

First, it explains everything that goes on to a plane. It explains how they work and pretty much everything you need to know. Then it goes on the what turbulence is, which I believe is my biggest problem. Did you know turbulence is simply bumps in the sky, like when you go over bumps in the road? I didn’t! I thought it was the plane struggling to keep still! Just that helped me beyond everything.

This website was created by Captain Stacey Chance who has been a pilot for over 25 years. He created this course to help nervous flyers. If you want more information, click this link.

But if you’re still having problems with it, talk to your doctor. That’s what I did before finding this website. I went to my doctor and explained my problem to her and she prescribed me Ativan for my flights . . . the next ten flights to be exact.

So now I can go on flights without having a problem. Well I sweat a lot and I shake but that’s small compared to what used to happen. I don’t control that. I can now go up without gripping the seat and if there’s turbulence I just sit there because I now know what it is. I hope this website helps you as much as it helped me.